Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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