the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
