I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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