I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
