having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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