if you like me you must not know who I am
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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