He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
