I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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