yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
