3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
