Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me