Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.