The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize