Dual....:-)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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