Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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