I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
