Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
