I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
