The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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