I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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