The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
