It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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