Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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