I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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