i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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