On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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