nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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