The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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