You're so nebulous sometimes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
