Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
