So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
