I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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