My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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