Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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