Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
