If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize