Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
