So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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