I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
