Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
