take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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