I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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