my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
