This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize