Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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