Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
