Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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