brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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