"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
