Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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