her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
