Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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