so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
