weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
