My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize