I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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