Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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