There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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