You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Enjoy the penises
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
