I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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