Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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