omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
