i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
