i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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